Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Am I going crazy ?

Oh boy, that is a weird question, I know it ! and I think all of us have asked ourselves that at one time or another.

Why am I asking ? because the last few weeks have been challenging in a way I never experienced before. And the crescendo was when I pretty much had an emotional breakdown.

So in the last two years I have been aware of this little thing in your body called the thyroid. In fact two years ago or so I had been checked for issues it could cause because of some symptoms I was having. Sadly back then, I took the doctor's opinion that since my numbers were only slightly elevated, we shouldn't do anything but wait. And so I did...two whole years.
What can I say, I am a woman and as many times as I enter a doctor's office for my kids, you would think I would also do it for myself. But not, because I am a woman. I always take care of others first.

So for the last two years I have been feeling a bit off, very tired, having issues with my weight, having troubles focusing or remembering and getting emotional, especially in the last few weeks.

So 7 weeks ago I broke down, tired of being always tired and I finally got myself to the doctor. And I found out that that little piece of me is affecting me a great deal. That thyroid of mine was out of whack. Once again I had to wait though, a whole 6 weeks because we needed to see how things would progress before deciding on a path.
So the last 7 weeks have been tough. It seemed that all of a sudden I was noticing more symptoms...the hunger, the irritability and horror...the weight gain. Ok it may have only been a couple of pounds but when you are already overweight and have already been heavier, those two pounds seem the beginning of a decline that you dread.
And then the end of the 6 weeks came and I reclaimed a bit of my sanity. I was NOT crazy. In fact I noticed more symptoms because I had gotten worse. My numbers came back even more out of whack. The sense of relief was immense. It now explained my complete meltdown.
If you are a woman and you have had to deal with PMS or pregnancy, you will understand what I am talking about. That feeling that your behavior is completely irrational and yet you cannot stop yourself. Yes that feeling... And if you are a man, well you know it if you have ever lived with a woman.

Where does that leave me now ? looking forward to some relief. I just started medication this morning with the hope that it will help bring me back to the person I am supposed to be - one full of energy and with a sharp mind and one who still may get emotional every now and then but not in a hysterical way.

I look forward to the journey, knowing full well that the medication may only be the beginning and that there will be more challenges to come. Knowing now that there is an answer to why I have felt the way I have, I am empowered to move ahead and learn more about this little piece of my body that manages so much of what goes on.

And I will make sure to tell all my friends about it. Maybe, just maybe, someone else will benefit from my experience. And maybe, just maybe, someone else will get their answer without waiting two years and feeling this bad. And that is a goal my friends...

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